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Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married #GrownFolksTalk

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My husband and I actually went through almost a year and a half of premarital counseling. And while those 18 months were a blessing and important on keeping Christ as the center of our marriage, there were still some things I would only understand once I got married.

Marriage, engagement

Here are a few things I wish someone told me ahead of time (Then again, maybe not. {smile}). I also asked some very wise ladies to share some nuggets as well.

If you don’t already have children, wait at least one year before trying to have kids.

No one mentioned this to me at all. And neither one of us talked about it ahead of time. I can see how this would not come up with folks who don’t want to express their personal views on when is the right time to have kids. However, with only four months of being a newly wed, I was pregnant. We celebrated our one year anniversary anticipating our new addition while still learning to live with each other. We were young and full of love. We were excited about having a baby without realizing all of the responsibility that went with it.

I love my son dearly and know that he and our other two children were conceived in love. But if you can help it, please have this conversation prior to marriage.I personally believe the first year of marriage should be a time to enjoy one another completely as a couple. A lot of cultures press this as an issue, but please go in knowing what are the expectations from both of you.

Make the crock pot your friend.

There will be days when you just don’t feel like cooking but you all want a good meal. Put somethings on auto. You don’t have to be Martha Stewart everyday.

It is ok to have a discretionary fund just for you.

Nothing crazy. But yeah have a little of your own money. It’s nice to be able to splurge on yourself just because you can.

Try to live off of one income and stash away the rest.

We went into marriage with this intention. One of us was in school at the time of our marriage, and we actually did live this way for a while. But once the baby came, we were not prepared for the one who was working to all of a sudden quit. 🙂

When it was time for me to go back to work, we had zero savings in place for me to quit my job or at least drop down to part time. When the babies come, make going back to work an option and not a necessity if you can.

And while this is important to you, your husband won’t care if your bra and panties match.

Just trust me on this.

Now here are some nuggets from some other women that I admire.

Janeane over at Janeane’s World  shared this gem.

I wish someone told me marriage is not stagnant, it is life. Marriage grows, changes and becomes a new thing over the course of a lifetime together and that is a GOOD thing.

Brandi over at Mama Knows It All shared this nugget.

I wish someone would have told me that the first year doesn’t have to be challenging. Year one for us was calm and filled with the blessing of getting to know each other. Much of the advice we received was that it is would be difficult. Not true for us!

Bernetta Jackson  over at Bernetta Style pointed this out.

I wish someone would have  told me that People Change – some for the better and/or for the worse. But thats where the work part comes in. As you grow, you change and it’s up to each other to continue to learn and love your spouse in a new way. At least its true for us, I am not the same person I was 13 years ago, I like different things and so does he. We have to learn to grow together and not apart.

Aida  over at Girlfriends With Goals shared this.

Take the time to get to know each other. And develop great communication skills and conflict management skills you will need them.

Taya  over at Mrs. TDj dropped this nugget.

I wish someone would have told me that a marriage wasn’t always 50/50. Depending on the circumstances, there are times when the scales are tipped one way or another and for us, that was a lesson we had to learn. Sometimes you’re giving 90 and your partner is taking 10, but thankfully other times you’re partner is giving 10 and you’re taking the other 10. I’m lucky that we learned it very early, but it was bumpy.

Vaneese  over at Mommy Works A Lot shared this gem.

No matter how long you’ve known each other or been together, marriage adds a new dynamic to the relationship, one that you won’t understand until it’s there. Sorry I can’t be more clear with that one, but that’s the best way I can explain it. It’s so fun and comforting knowing that you have a ride or die and teammate for life. Also, once married the work doesn’t stop. If anything, you need to work harder.

Amiyrah  over at Four Hats And Frugal shared this tip.

Cook for him before you’re married. Teach HIM to cook after you’re married. You’ll thank yourself for doing so once your family grows.

Pam over at Still Dating My Spouse shared this gem.

I wish someone had told me how to blend a family. We did it all wrong lol. It is so important to remove mines & my with us and ours even when it comes to the kids. Be one in ALL things and the kids will respect the union (quicker).

Raya over at And Starring As Herself shared this with me.

I wish someone had told me to keep our business our business. People always want to be in the mix reminding you how mad he made you back in ’03. Also, keep your relationship alive. Kids will be out the house chilling while y’all are looking at each other like strangers.

What are some things you only found out once you entered into marriage? Leave a comment.

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